Bullied at School

Bullies- Throughout my life, and a lot of people, they come in different forms such as another kid in the playground, a teacher at school, another family member, a boss at work, even a random old lady on the street. To stop this post from being 20 pages long I am going to focus on the ones I had at school. 

I was reluctant to write about this theme of bullies in general, precieving I would be giving too much power to such negative experiences. But for this same very reason I wanted to talk about it , seeing as how uncomfortable it intially seemed to make me feel, and also I wanted to aim for at least 5 personal blogs before sharing my blog with others lol. 

My first recollection of being bullied was in either years 1 or 2. One day, a classmate grabbed me by my collar and said I needed to give him money. Why I did not tell anyone about this intially I have no idea. I said I didn't have any money but to loosen his grip I said I could get some from my grandma. I remember trying to steal some money out of my grandma's purse, but fortunately I got caught. I think I managed to lie my way out of getting in.trouble with my grandma. The bullying did eventually stop . I think I did tell a teacher about it in the playground,  and by her simply giving this boy a warning, it seems like it was enough to deter him from bullying me further. 

The rest of Primary school was okay. It was only until I started secondary school, that there were a few instance s where I was bullied this time; it wasn't even from the boys,but the girls. 

 As mentioned in a previous vlog they were just mean to me constantly, mostly taking the mic out of my limp wrists. I probably had only one female friend. She was really nice and we hanged quite a lot. We even sat next to each other in class, and she would console me whenever I would burst into tears. Back then I was a crier. The slightest mishap would set me off (since 13 I have literally lost my ability to cry for some reason). The boys in my class were okay except for one who would let everyone borrow his colouring pencils except me. I know this because I asked him and he said I was not allowed to. 

I think perhaps the most traumatic experience in secondary of being bullied was when I got to year 8, me vs a group of boys. For some reason, for maths, my class was mixed with a more advanced class. I was sitting in class minding my own business when one of the boys from the other class started throwing paper at me. Not having it, I think I told the teacher and from then on this kid and his friends would torment me up until the end of year 11 . 

For example, I remember this time I was on the school bus, which was one of those Edwardian buses with the open back and 2 decks. I was at the top deck, minding my own business, when those boys demanded I move (there were plenty of other seats for them to sit down, do not know why they were picking on me. I just want to point out that I recall all of those boys were white.

 I think for this reason, in that moment, I felt like Rosa Parks. I straight out refused. They  proceeded to torment me, taking my stuff. One of the guys who I thought I was friends with, whispered in my ear 'you better move or I am going to fuck you up', he was attractive, and in my head I am pretty sure, at the time, I was more aroused then scared!) It was not until one of girls sitting near  backed me up, that those boys decided to leave me alone at least for the time being. 

Other incidences included being barged by one of the group of boys who I barged back, being tripped by another, being chased by a group of some of them. For the latter, I fortunately happened to bump into my sister, otherwise god know what would have happened. 

All those years of watching slasher horror films I guess thought me what not to do when people are after you. Get to safety as quickly as possible and fight to the death if not. 

Personally, what hurts the most, is that prior to these group of boys ganging up of me, the ones that were supposed to be my friends at the time, seemed to have turned on me. For me they were worse then the ones doing the tripping, chasing and barging, and it's why I no longer talk to some that much, and refuse to have anything to do with others. I remember, years later, at a McDonald's one tried saying hi to me and I just stared at him, cold in the face.

Sure I had myself to lean on, and to protect, but if there's anything these experiences have also taught me, is that true friends are ones that have your back. If they aren't, they really aren't worth much your time and energy, and that stands true for family as well.