Growing Up Mixed

Growing up I always felt like an outsider. I always felt different to all my white, black and even Asian friends. Not only was my mum from the far east- Christian and from the Philippines, but my dad was from India, Pakistan and Muslim. Often times at Primary school- Friends would often take the mick out of Pakistani's, using the P word, or Oriental’s with the thing where you'd stretch your eyes so they were slanted. Maybe they thought I was white British? I don’t know lol, surely not with my black hair, brown skin and muslim name. 

 And not even that, both sides seemed religious; my Lola (maternal grandmother), was a devout Chrstian, whereas my paternal grandparents were devout Muslims. Do not misunderstand I think it's great that they had their believes in a higher calling, but as a result it did confuse me, and I think my siblings. 

 We lived with our paternal grandparents and after a full day at school, we were sent off to Islamic school, where we were beaten and shouted at if we misbehaved, taught what things were halal and haram, and made to read a the Qur’an without being taught what any of the verses meant.

 Come the weekend, we would do all those things considered haram at the weekend- eat pork, dance, occasionally go to church, celebrate Christmas etc. I remember this one time when I was at my Lolo and Lola’s house (Lolo meaning grandfather in Tagalog), I was eating pork scratchings (known in Tagalog as chichorn), and my uncle (dad’s brother) tells me off because they were pork. I had no idea. I think it was about 7 at the time.

 I want to say, overall, I think I did have a happy childhood, loved both sets of my grandparents for the fun and exciting memories we shared together, but that shit about being biracial took a while to get use to; as it seems not only is it an issue within my own family but society too. It still bugs me that in every form I fill in, I must specify ‘mixed other’, and being asked ‘where are you from’ by every stranger I come across, like it should really matter- but hey I may not fit in people’s ‘boxes’ and that is nothing to be ashamed of; it’s just the way the world is I guess.